'Mind you, our last visit to the tower block wasn’t so successful. That awful woman with the hair and the children shouting at us unintelligibly about “posh people” and “cladding”.'

Culture Type: The right-wing left-wing person

Drugstore Culture

Drugstore Culture eavesdrops on the plight of the wealthy Corbynite, in the first of a satrical series of social portraits

13 September 2018 20:13

The right-wing left-wing person, as captured in the field by Andrew Garthwaite.

‘It’s doubly hard because, you know, I hate sending her to back to boarding school, poor baby, and – secondly, actually – it’s so totally against my principles…Well, you know that. I mean, that’s why I campaigned against that ghastly academy the Tories wanted to set up in the village. I’m a total believer in the comprehensive system. Bloody Blair! But then again, who am I to put my principles ahead of my child’s education? Aaargh!

I said to Mrs Abrahams – you know, our daily when we’re in the country? – that Jeremy Corbyn of all people would understand my plight, having had to deal all his life with the appalling social stigma of being privately-educated. And now the added horror of being accused of being an anti-semite by all those awful neo-liberal war-mongering Murdoch bullies! I mean, Jeremy an anti-semite? – of all people! Mrs Abrahams looked a bit thoughtful when I mentioned that, but it’s probably because of the eco-bleach I’m insisting that she uses. I said we all have to make sacrifices as we get ready for a properly socialist Britain. Bless her. She still can’t see why Mao is a nice name for a cat.

Oh, and Simon says that he met a fascinating tax lawyer at his Men-as-Feminists poetry reading group and that it turns out that, by chance, most of our investments won’t actually be affected by the Labour government. Offshore, or something. Which is obviously such good news, because it means we’ll have all the more disposable income to splash out on local community projects! Tabatha and I are having a coffee pow-wow to discuss them next week when we’re back in town for Archie’s first rugby match as house captain. So it’s time to get the old ideas cap on, and maybe zoom over to the Zephaniah Estate to discuss, you know, projects with real people. I so have to get out of my echo chamber!

Mind you, our last visit to the tower block wasn’t so successful. That awful woman with the hair and the children shouting at us unintelligibly about “posh people” and “cladding”. I had to book a special session with Suki to get my chakras realigned after that: I get it on Simon’s Bupa, which is totally pro-NHS because it frees up capacity for the poor.

And talking of chakra, that reminds me: I’ve got what Archie would probably call “beef” with Tabatha! She’s been teasing me on our “Somerset Identity Activists 4 JC” Facebook page again. This time, it’s about the 4×4 – dear old Buster, still in the drive – and I know she’s right, in terms of Gaia-friendliness, but it’s so convenient. And Simon has an app on his new iPhone that says our carbon footprint is way down on last year, and that, what with using zero plastics – well, almost! – and planting all those trees at Uncle Digby’s over the summer, we’re probably in credit! Yay!

You know, I just can’t wait for the election. I might even get back to my Marx reader tonight. Did you know that Marx invented globalisation? So smart.’

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'Mind you, our last visit to the tower block wasn’t so successful. That awful woman with the hair and the children shouting at us unintelligibly about “posh people” and “cladding”.'