Movies 26 October 2018 | 12:54

A ‘Clueless’ remake? Ugh, as if!

26 October 2018 12:54

There are some films that can benefit from being remade, whether they need a contemporary spruce up to appeal to new audience, or a director feels they can offer a new perspective on a story, as in the case of A Star Is Born (William A. Wellman, 1937; George Cukor, 1954; Frank Pierson, 1976; Bradley Cooper, 2018). Amy Heckerling’s 1995 teen classic Clueless is not one of them. Yet, in true Hollywood fashion, Paramount Studios are planning to fix what ain’t broke and potentially ruin its iconic plaid legacy. I’m furious.

In theory, the film is off to a promising start: Marquita Robinson from Netflix’s GLOW has been brought on as a writer, and Tracy Oliver of Girls Trip (Malcolm D. Lee, 2018) will produce. But I still have a lot of urgent questions. Firstly, will the film be set in the nineties or present day? If the latter, will our beloved Cher Horowitz be transformed into an Insta-famous Kardashian disciple? And who will do the transforming? The magic of the original’s costume designer Mona May – which is likely to be responsible for at least 10 per cent of Halloween costumes next week – will be tough to match. Though, of course, the crucial question is which actress will dare attempt to fill Alicia Silverstone’s shoes and Alaïa dresses in the lead role? There’s surely no one else that can make a popular rich girl so likeable.

The most terrifying thing about this remake, however, is the fact that it’s encroaching on the strictly hands-off territory of my favourite teen chick flicks. What’s next? A Mean Girls (Mark Waters, 2004) remake? Anyone who struggled their way through Mean Girls 2 (Melanie Mayron, 2011) knows that these are dangerous waters to wade into. Please, save the films of my teenhood. They’re all I have left – and feeling so angry about this news is making me feel something much worse: old.